On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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