I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
