I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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