I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
