i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
