She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
