My cat gives me a boner
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
