It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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