my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
