and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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