I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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