Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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