I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
