I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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