If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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