Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
