my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize