You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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