I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
