I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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