i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
