You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
