Operation Purity has been aborted
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
