im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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