If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
