My liver just broke up with me...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
