No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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