she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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