you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
