Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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