im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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