We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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