She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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