...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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