Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The air taste purple.
Randomize
