fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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