She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
