Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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