I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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