Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
