why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
