their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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