Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
