also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
