allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
