I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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