I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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