i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
operation have a gay friend backfired
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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