the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
