And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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