They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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