i jhust puked up my retainher.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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