i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
