eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
