Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
