So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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