He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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