I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
