I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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