I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
