oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
