We're like a lot better than the average bears
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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