am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
