Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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