Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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