I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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