Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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