So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
