hotel room ftw
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
