Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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