I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
