You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
