he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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