dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize