Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
