Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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