I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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